Off the Market

As of a couple weeks ago, I'm officially off the market!

It's kind of weird really.  At the start of this blog, I was married to my first husband and then over the course of events, got a divorce and then chronicled a lot of what was going on in my life, but especially my dating life!  I wonder if that means the next step will be my married life?  Seems like the next step...

Either way, my boyfriend, ISTJ, better known now as Jason (yes, the same as my first husband) asked me to be his wife!  And as my friend Edward said... I took the "very old-fashioned" route and said, "Yes!"

The Boyfriend becomes the Fiance
On July 8th, we went out for lunch after church and then Jason drove past my exit (for the third time this week! We had a couple "false alarms" earlier in the week, but third time is the charm or so they say).  Luckily, this time, it didn't involve Mulholland Drive!

Instead, we drove up to the Getty Center.

It was a beautifully gorgeous day with the perfect LA weather!  The kind that makes you never want to leave LA! We went up to the top floor of the South Pavilion, which has an awesome view of the Los Angeles.  There, Jason pointed out the various places around LA where we'd gone during our relationship, including Manhattan Beach, where we had a very long, tense walk just a couple months into our relationship, during which I came this close to breaking it off with him, but then didn't.  Divine intervention?*

After recounting our various escapades around the city, the trips, the restaurants, the activities, he started with all the mushy stuff about how much he loved me (and many other sweet things that will remain private).  He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.  I didn't have the heart to crack a silly joke.  So instead, I said, "Yes!"

Here's a snapshot of the ring... I picked it out a few weeks beforehand, so I knew the proposal was imminent.  We decided to go the non-traditional route ring-wise.  It also has a matching necklace, but I haven't taken a good picture of that yet, but I love it just as much as the ring.

The non-traditional engagement ring designed by Symmetry (Greek designer)...
18K white gold, custom made with two raw diamonds, two blue sapphires and one pink sapphire

The Aftermath
Then we sent emails, texts, made calls to all the appropriate people.  It was his parents anniversary, so that should make it easy to remember!

The After-Aftermath (aka: the Emotional Aftermath)
It's been weird.  But in a really good way.  I eloped the first time I got married, so the total time between "engagement" and "marriage" was about four hours.  This time, it's gonna be a whopping 2 1/2 months!  Since the first part of the engagement was consumed with my Jeopardy! obsession, I can now relax and focus on the wedding itself, which should be relatively simple and easy to plan.  Mostly because I'm not a girly girl, so I have no big "wedding" dreams that need to be fulfilled.

Emotionally, I've been feeling closer to him every day.  My day in the Jeopardy! studios was super-intense and he was there for me and so supportive in every way, which I completely appreciate.  I'm in awe of his support and caring for me.  It's a little unreal sometimes.  Sad to say, but I haven't had very many people in my life that I feel like I can count on like I can count on him.  My goal is to be the same for him.  Someone he can depend on to be his friend, confidante and lover.  I don't think that will be too difficult.

All of this just serves as a daily confirmation that I made the right choice in saying yes!

An "after" pic with our beloved Los Angeles in the background:

Jason & Steph in the South Pavilion of the Getty Center

Looking forward to many more adventures!!

* Turns out I had a "love language" I didn't even realize I had!  Acts of service!  So, we were fighting over the dishes, but really I was feeling unloved because he wasn't helping me.  Luckily, we got it ironed out...

Moving to a non-LA way of life

ISTJ (the aforementioned boyfriend) and I have been having lots of talks about our future over the last six months.  One of the recurring themes has been whether we will stay in Los Angeles or move elsewhere.  The top choices seem to be:


Nashville - His parents will be returning to Nashville in 2014, after completing their 14 year (by that point) mission trip to Venezuela.  They'll be moving into their home that they've rented out all these years after a bit of renovation/updating.  This, of course, makes Nashville a natural choice.

We'd have grandparents living locally, so that would be a great help and make it a lot easier for the grandparents to see the grandkid(s).  Additionally, the cost of living is much more affordable, so it would put less stress on us financially to live a modest lifestyle allowing me to stay home to care for the babes.  We'd definitely get more bang for our buck, real-estately speaking... >We would be within driving distance to many of the game conventions I love in the Southeast, which would make attending more affordable, if we could talk the grandparents into babysitting for a weekend every now and then!

The potential downsides:  heat, humidity, making new friends (although I do know a handful of people there, but not that well), not being near an ocean, having a small-ish airport, not having 24 hour everything at my beck and call.  Although, truth be told, it's fairly rare I need a grocery store at 2 AM, but when I have, I really have.


San Francisco - His job is in tech, so a natural choice.  It's beautiful, cosmopolitan, the weather is aaaaawwwesome!  How can you not love San Francisco filled with all its water and love?  I love this town.

The potential downsides:  It's really expensive to live here, which would make the whole staying-at-home-thing a lot tougher.  Also, no family and only a few friends, so probably no support if we needed it for kid stuffs.


In a distant third...
Atlanta - My mom lives here, so we'd have family support.  He doesn't love the city, but I know TONS of people, so friends would be the easy part.  It's less expensive than LA, but more spread out so more danger of getting pigeon-holed in a weird little suburb somewhere and end up not close to anybody.

The potential downsides:  heat, humidity, traffic, expensive real estate depending on the area we'd want to live in...

And of course, the
Staying in LA option - The weather is pretty awesome, we already have friends (although, they're not too kid-friendly for the most part), we know what we're in for, my rent is crazy reasonable because I'm the on-site manager.  It's only $950/month for a good sized one bedroom in a decent and convenient part of town.  We both have jobs, the beach is nearby, we have the world at the tips of our SPG Amex at LAX.


No decisions have been made, or probably WILL be made for at least a year or two, but just putting all this down as a kind of note to myself.

After having spent the last few days in Dunwoody (suburb of Atlanta) with my mom, it's been so nice to go to Costco and not wait in a HUGE line or sit in traffic while just trying to get in a parking lot.  The less dense population is kind of nice.  I feel like I have room to breathe!

Check out this lack of a line at 4:50 PM on a Tuesday afternoon!

I'll have to update this as more options/thoughts come up as to if or where we'd move, but these are the main options at the moment.

Life is Short

This break-up has been tough and I haven't been doing a good job of keeping away from the ex-boyfriend. I called him last week. The good news is that I'm feeling better after talking with him. The bad news is that I feel kind of lame for breaking down and calling him, although I know he didn't mind. I have a soft spot for him, that's for sure. The more I think about him, us, our separate lives, a possible life together, I just keep thinking... life is short. Too many people have been dying lately, friends have been losing jobs, love is difficult to find and even more difficult to maintain... Life is full of changes.

I need to remind myself to keep looking forward... Taking a deep breath now. Staying focused. I need to stay strong. It's tough, but I can do it. I can do it. I can do it...

Travian

The ex-bf talked me into joining him in playing Travian, an online war game. You start with a dinky little village and build up your resources, then with those resources, you build troops and then there's all out warfare. I'm on S8 and I started late. So far, I have one village that's medium sized and I just started a new village. I'm naming all of my villages after Race for the Galaxy worlds. I've befriended another East Coaster who's helping me with my account and vice versa, so it's something to do in the evenings. Unfortunately for him, he's getting picked on by a rival alliance and he's not sure he'll last another week or two. It's quite volatile.

People keep talking about the mid-game. I think this is when a lot of casual players get picked off and destroyed to get ready for the "end-game". Each server runs for a year. This one started in March, but I didn't start until June. I'm doing okay though considering I started so late.

The good thing is that it's something to keep me busy. To be successful, I probably should read up on strategy, but so far, I've just been winging it. I'll just be happy if I don't get wiped out. So far, no one's been really picking on me, but I'm sure I'll become a target once I grow my population some more. Until then, I'm just enjoying managing everything! It scratches that itch for me... I am enjoying it!

Another Break-Up

I've been really behind on blogging, but finally getting caught up on all the blogs. Mainly because I was dating someone that I wasn't blogging about and that was taking up a lot of my time. But, unfortunately, that is now over and it's freed up a lot of time that I need to fill somehow. I've been doing my best to keep busy because of all the break-ups over the last few years, so far, this one's been the most difficult to deal with. Part of the difficulty with it is that I really like him and I know he really likes me, compounded by the fact that we're broken up, but it's ambiguous. Add to that, we didn't break up because we didn't like each other or got into a big fight of some sort. He has a previous relationship that he needs to figure out first and that will take some time. I have no idea how much time it will take for him to figure it out. Or if he's even working on it (I hope he is). Or if he will ever figure it out. Or, or, or... There are many questions left unanswered at this point. I'm a planner type, so this uncertainty thing is not my favorite, nor is patience my strong suit. So there are lots of things rooting against my brain at this point.

I've been trying to convince myself that I need to just think: "It's completely over..." so then if anything changes in the future, it will be a surprise rather than trying to keep the hope alive that somehow we will work out. Plus, if I keep repeating that to myself, I can hopefully start moving on and be open to meeting someone else eventually.

That said, I think my big lesson from this one is: Don't get involved with someone if they are newly broken-up from someone because it might not be over. Especially if it was a long-term relationship. No matter how unhappy they were with the other person. No matter what the person says about the relationship or the other person. Because I think what I've learned more than anything is that old familiar phrase, "Actions speak louder than words..." He was a lot of words and a bit lackluster in the action department. Unfortunately for me, I am a "words of affirmation" person, so that kept me around long enough to fall for him. I won't make that mistake again. When I see lack of action, I will pay attention to that, more than the sweet, but empty words.

Additional lesson: I need to remember that people don't like to change and will often want to go back to what they're comfortable with, even if what they're going back to isn't good or fun or enjoyable. Even if it's not going to make them happy in the long run, people love to look back. To keep moving forward, you need to keep your eyes pointed forward. It's really difficult to do, especially in love relationships. Everyone wants to look back. I know, I've done it. I spent a long time deciding whether I should divorce Jason a few years ago. More recently, I've spent the last few weeks, looking back at him (and my phone, willing it to ring) and hoping everything will be different, but now I know... I have to keep my eyes forward so that I will move forward. I can't keep looking back. He knows how to reach me once he's done with looking over his shoulder. If he is ever done with it. I know how difficult it can be. I've been there. So while I get irrationally upset sometimes about it, I completely understand. And I do want what's best for him.

Because I think that more than anything, the goals for my life are: to grow, to be happy, to have meaning and share life with an equally suitable partner. I can't have that with him at this point so it's just as well that we're broken up. He has some work he needs to do and I'm not sure he wants to do it. Thankfully, I can stop thinking about that now.

And the last thing:
No more long distance relationships. None. Either someone moves, or it's just not happening.

We broke up

Greg & I broke up tonight. We've had periodic discussions about how things were going and I think we were both in agreement that we looked great on paper, but in person, something was not quite right. The chemistry was there, but not fully there. So, we tried and tried and then, we broke up.

We've become very close over the last several months and he wants to remain friends and I do too. So, that's the plan. On one hand, it totally sucks. And on the other hand, it's good. I think I had started to lose hope that I would find someone who had the qualities I want in a boyfriend and then I met him, on a weekend I was pretty sure would be the worst of my life for completely other reasons. Instead, out of the blue, I met him and we were off! He restored my hope that there are still fabulous, caring men out there.

Wow, I am going to miss him... I was wrong. This totally sucks.

Modern Long Distance Dating

Because my boyfriend lives across the country... Georgia, more specifically... We don't have the "typical" dates that people who live in the same city might have. It usually consists of late night chats when we can squeeze them in and silly text messages to say "hi" or some such.

What we've been doing lately is setting up "date nights," which usually go like this:
He comes home from work, eats something, takes a nap and then calls me so we can get caught up on each others' week and hang out. Last time, we played some Dominion on BSW (a German website where you can play all kinds of Euro games).

I'm waiting for him to call so we can commence with our date tonight and tonight it'll be a little different. I bought him a webcam from Amazon and had it shipped to his house. He hasn't yet opened the box and he doesn't know what's in it, so I hope that he actually likes it. I picked out one with good reviews (4.5 stars with 402 reviews), so I hope it installs nicely and doesn't give him any trouble. As much as I love our date nights, I think I'll like them even more if I can see his smile!

And really, webcams are quickly becoming the norm. I was chatting about this with my waxer and a customer in the salon overheard us and said, "Oh, are you going to talk to your child with it?" Apparently, her son is in Japan and she just shipped him a webcam so she can see him when they talk via Skype. She loves it.

In fact, Google has just released video chatting! I can't wait to try this tonight. I guess we'll find out!

Boyfriend Update

Greg came out to visit last month and we had a good visit... Much too short, but fun. We've both been really busy over the last month, so since that visit, we haven't been talking as much as we were a couple months ago. In theory, he'll be finished with one major obligation after this weekend and that should free up his weekend time quite a bit, at least compared to the last month!

Maybe then we'll be able to talk about something other than how tired we are and how busy we are! We still have our book of questions to go through and I feel like there's much more to learn about each other. It's as if this last month of dating doesn't even really count because it seems like we've talked SO little. Ah, well... He told me more than once while visiting that he's working on changing his schedule so he won't be so busy and he'll have more time to spend with me and I believe him, otherwise, we wouldn't still be dating.

I'm currently planning to go see him for Thanksgiving... I'll be heading there straight from BGG.CON. Once I come back from that, I'm not sure when I'll see him again. There's been talk of me going to see him for Christmas, but since we've hardly been talking, I want to see how everything is going before & after Thanksgiving before buying a ticket for Christmas.

We have very different communication needs. I could talk to him pretty much every day, even multiple times a day (which I know is probably overkill and not for everyone), while I think he could get by with a couple times a week. He's been making an effort to call more often, which I really appreciate because it says to me "I want to make you happy," a message I am glad he's sending. As a result, I've been patient about these last few insanely crazy weeks. Which I've taken as an opportunity to grow because God knows that patience is NOT my strong suit!! But I swear, I'm getting better.

I think the biggest challenge for me is that it's hard for me to feel connected to someone with whom I have very little contact (without having a pre-established super-strong connection like I do with some of my friends who I don't talk to for years at a time and then we do and it's just on...). So, an unfortunate side effect of all this non-contact over the last month has me feeling less connected to him now than I did when we first started dating. Not exactly the trend I want to see in my relationship, you know? It feels like we're going the wrong way. However, I'm doubt he feels that way, based on our very different communication needs. I've been trying to be optimistic about the future though and I hope that we can continue to tweak this so that we're both happy with how much communication we have. We were doing better before the last few weeks when he's been super-busy.

I'm very happy that we have a "date" scheduled for this Thursday night! I'll have him all to myself and get to talk to him about everything I've been saving up over the last week. He is a wonderful person and I love and admire many, many things about him. I want to feel a stronger connection to him, so I hope that once things settle down, we can get back to talking more often and hopefully, growing our relationship. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

White Water Rafting This Weekend

I've been very neglectful lately on the blogging. It seems I've barely had enough time to sleep lately, much less blog! Hopefully that will change by next week. I'm going on a trip this weekend, but after that, I'll be home for a shocking four weeks in a row! I'm really looking forward to a few weeks without flying off somewhere. It'll give me a chance to start thinking about Christmas! I feel like Christmas is right around the corner. Where did this year go?!

I'm a bit nervous (and excited) about my next trip. I'm heading out to West Virginia this weekend to do some very chilly, white water rafting. I've never gone rafting before, but it's something I've always been interested in doing. Whenever I've imagined it, I've pictured myself in my bikini, drinking beers on a toasty day on the river. I certainly didn't imagine wearing wool long underwear to keep warm because the water is in the 40s! My friend who went last year said she had a great time, so I'm keeping focused on that! I am already anticipating the sheer exhaustion that will undoubtedly come along with class four and five rivers. I'm just glad I'll have a helmet and a personal flotation device. My goal is to survive!

And as a related side note... On Monday, I made my first trip ev-er to REI. That place is a money pit. I bought some SmartWool long underwear and a sweater. The sweater retailed for $140!!! But it's super-cute and I can wear it hiking on Tuesdays and I love it. They gave me a coupon for 20% off, but even with that, I spent more on clothes than I did for the actual rafting trip. On the plus side, I'm stocked up on all the winter clothes I'll probably ever need for the rest of my life!


Quick update: Here's a video they sent out that shows (in warmer weather!) where I'll be this weekend. Also, I forgot to mention that this weekend is Bridge Day and there will be base jumpers hopping off local bridge that crosses the gorge. We'll get to watch from the water below!



More blogging to come next week... I'm sure there will be a boyfriend update in there somewhere! Until then...

The Relationship Update

I went to visit Greg for two and a half weeks and had a wonderful time. We spent lots of time just hanging out with friends, talking, playing games and of course, going to football games!

I arrived Friday night and we headed straight to Dragon*Con to go see Valerie and Tyler and to see all the crazy costumes that people wear! Feel free to browse my Dragon*Con photo album. It was so much fun to check out all the costumes and just people watch. I want to go next year and stay for the whole weekend. We didn't stay the whole weekend this time because we were scheduled to go to the first Georgia Bulldogs game of the season...

While I was getting ready on Saturday morning, Greg surprised me with a piece of jewelry! A necklace with one charm that said "My Heart Belongs to" and the other has a Georgia logo on it. I told him it was true in a sense. Unsurprisingly, my Georgia fan of a boyfriend has given me two gifts that are Bulldog-related. The first is my favorite teddy bear, Harrington, who sports a super-cute Georgia hooded sweatshirt.



Greg with a fellow newbie... Miller!

The game started at 12:30, so we started tailgating around 9:30. It was my first time ever tailgating, so I shared that honor with the two other new people at tailgating: babies who were born this past spring!! :-)











These Georgia Bulldog fans go all out! Here's a picture of the spread they had from our second game:

Steph in her Georgia gear by the snack table

The games we went to were smaller games, but FULL of people! A sea of red wherever you looked! And man, oh man, they were hoooooooooot! Both Saturdays, the temperature was about 90! We slathered ourselves in sunscreen because his seats in the first row of the visitors side right at the 50 yard line and in full sunlight the whole game. By the end of the game, we were both drenched in sweat! Mmmmm.... sexy... We got home and showered and just collapsed. Being in the sun all day is exhasting. Here's a picture towards the end of the second game (and you can see the necklace!)

Steph & Greg after a loooong, hot game

Other than football, we ended up hanging out a lot with his friends playing games, both board games and some Rock Band! That was super-fun and I got a chance to practice my drum skills, so now I'm getting decent at the foot pedal and can do the double and triple bass kicks. I can definitely tell that I'm getting better.

I also had a chance to cook for Greg a bunch and his dad a couple times. His dad is really sweet and was very kind to me the whole visit. I can see why Greg likes him so much. We invited Greg's dad and sister (who was in town the last weekend I was there) over for dinner and to watch the Bulldog game on TV. I made my favorite beef stew on the planet (Barefoot Contessa's recipe called "Parker's Beef Stew") and it was a huge hit. They all loved it, even Greg, who doesn't care for onions all that much.

Overall, it was a great visit... I was worried about spending that much time together, but it was better than I expected. I went out for "Girls' Night Out" one Thursday with some of his girlfriends and one of them said, "I was telling my husband, 'If they haven't killed each other after spending two weeks together, that's a good sign!' " Greg has never lived with a woman before, so I know I was probably encroaching his space, especially since he's a bit neater than I am, but he said that he liked it. We make a good team at home too! I do the cooking and he does all the cleaning! It works out great!

After three months of dating, I still am amazed by what a great person he is. He's sweet and thoughtful and I love him. And I told him so. He's so wonderful, it's hard to imagine not loving him. It's different from anything I've felt before. In fact, he's a walking version of my "Ideal Husband List." We don't fight, in fact, we hardly ever have disagreements. Not all that surprising considering we agree about all major subjects. That alone is completely different from being with Jason and some of the guys I've dated over the last couple years. And I like it. I like not feeling at odds with my boyfriend. It's relaxing and it makes it so easy to talk to him. He doesn't get upset when I bring up anything and likes to talk about whatever might be bothering me. I really appreciate that about him.

I'm happy that he's coming out to visit me in a couple weeks. Our plans will probably consist of hanging with friends and some gaming. I'm trying to figure out some other "L.A." stuff for us to do... I'm planning on going to see him for Thanksgiving after BGG.CON.

Another thing we did while I was there was spend time discussing a book I borrowed from my friend Chia called The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do". We're not engaged, but since we're both interested in getting married, we thought those questions would be good ones to discuss. The book is split up into several chapters that have questions about your home, money, work, sex, health & food, children, community & friends, and spiritual life. We started covering a few of the questions, but it's going to be an on-going project. Some of the questions are no-brainers, but they are all things you should discuss with your partner. So far, it's been fun going through them together. I think we're going to have to start doing some over the phone too, otherwise, it'll take forever to get through the book.

I'm curious how the next few months will go. I'm looking forward to seeing him more and more and extremely thankful for my job which allows me the flexibility to stay with him and work from his home. I shudder to think how awful it would be having my old job and not being able to see him nearly as much. I would be very, very sad. As it is, I'm hoping we'll start talking more than we have been lately, but I think it's more of a question about setting aside time for each other because we both have pretty busy schedules. I think our relationship will continue to improve as we get to know each other more and more! I know I'm certainly looking forward to the process!

Stir Crazy?

I've been working from Greg's house while he's at work all day which is fine. I started feeling antsy the other day though. I think it's because it's so quiet here. There are no cars going by, no planes flying overhead, no random people talking in my apartment complex and no kitties bugging me for affection and food (not necessarily in that order!).

I think I miss the random sounds of chaos. We'll see if I've adjusted to all the quietness by the time I leave. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy the absence of any real traffic. Oh, and cheaper groceries!

I think this time is a bit different than last time when I had the car and we were going out at least twice a day. This time, I've been hanging out at his house a bit more and I think I just need to get out of the house, or socialize more. I'm not used to being cooped up with just one other person (or alone!).

I had my first small-town experience yesterday! I played Power Grid on Tuesday night with Greg, Brett and Brandon. When I walked into Wal-Mart yesterday, I ran into Brett and we chatted for a while. He's a really nice guy and I found out all about him. It's not too often I run into people I just met at the store! I guess that's what it's like to live in a small town!

Meanwhile, Greg and I are getting along well. I've been cooking a lot since we went out for every meal last time I was here. His dad and friend are coming over tonight for dinner and then we're gaming afterwards. It should be fun! In fact, I gotta get started cooking, so I should probably post this...

Our First Fight

First fight? Check!

We've had our first fight. I would wonder sometimes what our first fight would be about considering we seem to get along so well and 0ddly enough, it was about the same exact thing as my first fight with 42. The subject? Calling when you're out of town.

With 42, when I look back at everything that ended up happening, I've thought, "I should've known when he didn't call that weekend that things weren't going to work out." To me, it was a sign that I wasn't a priority to him and I should've listened to my gut about it. Especially when the reason why he didn't call was that his phone died and he didn't want to stop gaming to go outside in the snow to get the charger out of his car. This coming from the guy that plays Ultimate in the snow and thinks it's fun. I should have heeded the big red flag when it made itself known. But I didn't and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but it ended up not working out for a multitude of reasons.

So. Now it's happened again with Greg, except it wasn't just a weekend, it was six days. He texted me every day, but just didn't pick up the phone to call. (I did check and he does know how to use a phone...) And this is just the dating tip of the month to everyone out there: Texting is not the same as a phone call. I talked to him Monday night and by Thursday I was feeling a little antsy and cranky about it, by Friday I was upset and all I can say is thank goodness I was playing games all day Saturday to keep my mind off of it. So by the time he called me Sunday night, I was not happy with him.

I try to love like I've never been hurt, but it can be difficult. I mean, I was upset that he didn't call, but I think it was compounded by the fact that the same thing has already happened with 42 and look how that turned out. Greg was very apologetic on Sunday and Monday and tonight I told him that my first fight with 42 was over the same thing. And then I made sure that I told him that I didn't think he was like 42. Because I don't. They're like night and day in all the right ways.

After he apologized again tonight and promised that he would try very (very, very, very) hard to make sure it doesn't happen again, I made the decision to not be angry with him anymore. I believe him when he says that he did want to talk to me and thought of me often. I believe that it's hard to shift from being single and carefree to having a girlfriend and having to think about someone else in a different way than you have had to do in a long time. I was married for 10 years and am the oldest child in my family, so for me, that's more second nature. Not that I don't fall down on the job from time-to-time because I'm sure I do, but for the most part, I try to incorporate my significant other (or friends/family as the case may be) into my thought processes.

In any case, we made it through, unscathed. Again, I was able to talk to him about what I was thinking and feeling and we seem to communicate well. I probably could've been more up front with the fact that I was upset and why I was upset. But to be honest, I forgot that my first fight with 42 was about the same thing until last night. And remembering that kind of made it worse to me. Also, I think my pattern is that if I'm angry, I'm very loud about what I'm upset about, but if I'm hurt or feel vulnerable, I get very, very quiet. Which is why I was being more quiet about being upset. I am feeling pretty confident though that it won't happen again.

The Short and Sweet about My Visit with Greg

I have two rather lengthy posts about my trip to Athens, but really, I don't think it's that interesting to anyone except me and maybe Greg! So, I'll just say that Athens was very different. I have lived in LA for so long that I've forgotten how jaded or cynical you can get living in a big city. Greg's friends are extremely sweet and almost wholesome! It was very different. Not necessarily in a bad way and it definitely seems like something I could adjust to.

Disclaimer: I know I make a lot of comparisons to Jason, but I was with him for 10 years, most of my adult life, so it's hard NOT to!

After spending a week with Greg, I appreciate even more things about him. He's very laid back - something that has required some adjustment. I'm used to dating (or being married to!) guys that have little dark rainclouds that follow them around and I didn't think it was possible, but I think Greg is even more sunny and optimistic than I am!! At least on my good days... It's a change and it's something I've always wanted in a partner, but it's been a little more difficult to adjust to than I imagined it would be. But I'm working on it.

Related to his laid back-ness, he is very easy to talk to about ANYTHING. We talked about all sorts of things and some subjects that potentially could cause tension and yet, they didn't. It's a big change from Jason, who I had to choose very carefully the time, the method, the everything so that I could try to catch him at his most receptive. I don't have to worry about that with Greg and it's weird, but good.

I love that Greg lets me do stuff for him. He was going to do laundry on Saturday while we hung around the house so that he could pack for his trip. Instead, I did his laundry for him on Friday while he was at work so that we could run around Athens and see some sights. I asked him on Friday during lunch if he did anything special to his laundry (so I could make sure I did it the way he liked) and he said, "You don't have to do that..." and I said, "I know, I want to!" Jason never wanted me to do anything for him. I'd offer to do things for him all the time and he would turn me down. Even stuff as simple as getting him a drink. It's just nice being with someone who will let me do things for him. It's really nice. And he was very appreciative after the fact. I'm looking forward to being even more domestic on my next visit and cook for him!

Most of all, I love that we just have lots of stuff in common, even more than I thought! The stuff we don't have in common, it just seems to work out and we're very complementary. It's really cool.

I think I'm just having to adjust to someone who is different than the "typical" guy I'm attracted to. I am confident that I will make the adjustment though and I think I'm going to be MUCH happier for it overall. I still think he's really awesome and I'm really looking forward to my next visit!

I miss him.

No, I'm not sick...

As I shuffled off to bed at the early, early hour of 1:30 AM, Michael put the back of his hand on my cheek.

It was very warm, so I asked him, "Are you feeling okay?"

He said, "Are you feeling okay? This is the second night in a row you've gone to bed early!!" Which got a good laugh from everyone standing around because they know it's so true. I'm usually one of the last to go to bed and I'm typically encouraging everyone to stay up late with me!

I replied, "I'm saving up my energy..." I certainly can't meet up with Greg on Sunday night, go out to dinner with my mom, then fall asleep as soon as we get back to his place! Oh no... I'm sure we'll be up late and I've already thanked him more than once for taking Monday off from work. He's brilliant! And a realist!

OK - off to bed I go!

Only a week left

Only a week left until I get to see Greg again and I can't wait!! Luckily, I'll have something to distract me before then, namely payroll for the next day or two and then games... Lots and lots of games...

I'm heading out to Nashville for Gulf Games on Wednesday and staying there til Sunday around lunchtime. Then I'm hitching a ride down to Atlanta, where I'll be meeting up with Greg and we're going out to dinner with my mom before heading back to his place for the next week.

More things I appreciate about him:
I love that he's somewhat of a planner. He already scheduled Monday off, so he can spend my first day in Athens with me, showing me all the sights and basically being my personal tour guide. We have plans to have dinner with his dad on Tuesday, after work and before gaming. I think the rest of that week is lots of friends and lots of eating, which sounds perfect to me! He's already started planning parts of the longer trip in September, in particular the long weekend we're going to spend in Savannah! It's so nice to be with someone who is pro-active and just takes care of stuff. I mentioned to him once that I've always wanted to go there and then we just made a plan to go. It was so painless!

He lets me call him in the middle of the night. Often, he heads to bed around 1 AM and is totally cool with me calling when I finish up *my* evening, also usually somewhere between midnight and 1 AM, so I am often calling him at 3 - 4 AM Eastern, rousing him from sleep. He'll often talk to me for 30+ minutes. It's nice being able to call him and to hear his voice and catch up. He's a busy bee like me, so often it's hard to match up our schedule during the day, which is why I appreciate that he welcomes my middle of the night calls. In fact, he's about to receive a call from me as soon as I brush my teeth and change into my PJs!

Sixteen days and counting...

Ugh, there are sixteen more days until I see Greg again. I've been missing him a lot lately. He's been really busy this week, so we haven't had a chance to talk as much as we did last week. In general, I've been feeling more emotional this week too, so I'm sure that hasn't helped. We've had several short conversations and lots of texting/IMing. We finally got a chance to talk tonight for a while which was really nice, but it sounds like he's pretty busy this weekend, so I don't think I'll have much of a chance to talk to him this weekend. And then I'm out of town next week... I just want these sixteen days to fly by!

Visits are scheduled

It's hard to believe that I've only known Greg for three weeks. It seems like so much longer than that! Unfortunately, it's going to be another three weeks before I see him, but when I do, it will be for a whole week! I'm very much looking forward to it! He has a list of places he wants to take me to and he wants me to meet his dad and some of his friends. It should be really fun.

Following that visit, I'll be gone for a little less than three weeks and then I'll be back to stay with him for two and a half weeks! Now that should be a real test! If we can still stand to be around each other after 18 days, I think we're gonna be juuuuuuust fine...

As an extra bonus, I was able to use 25,000 Delta Skymiles (the cheapest ticket they offer with points) to fly out there, so it's no extra money out of pocket. And I have 25,000 more miles for us to use on the next visit! I've been building them up slowly, but surely over the last few years and now I finally have a good use for them!

I'm so glad I have the job I do... He doesn't have much vacation time left so he'll be working most of the days I'm there which works out just fine for me because I can just work from his house. It's soooooo awesome! He's buying a multi-function printer so that I have it available to use while I'm there. And I set up an eFax type line so that I can get faxes electronically while out of town. It's perfect!

Smitten...

After having an awesome weekend with Greg (his real name), what is the only thing that could make it better? Flowers and a super sweet card! :-)



I am thankful for him every day. And I can't help but to tell him every day how awesome I think he is.

This has just been such a different feeling than anything I've experienced before. It's freaky weird. I mean, he didn't annoy me one single time during the whole weekend. And I felt completely comfortable and relaxed around him. I think this is the first time I've ever felt genuine admiration for someone. He's such a good person. He has an amazing heart. Every time I look at him I feel happy. This is the easiest relationship I've ever been in. Shane commented on Monday after he left that we noticed how comfortable and relaxed we both seemed to be with each other and that she liked it. She said that it seemed different than when she's seen me with other people in the past. It sure feels different.

You know, it's one of those things... People always say that you should try to find someone that you respect and care about and have a lot of stuff in common, but anyone dating knows that it is practically impossible (or at least it feels that way). Because maybe part of it will line up, but then you don't want to kiss him. Or maybe ALL you want to do is kiss him and ignore the little (or not so little) red flags that are popping up all over the place. It's hard to have both. Even when you find someone that maybe shares common life goals, he might not share interests or personality quirks or something else equally important.

Before I was even divorced, I started compiling my "Ideal Husband Checklist." I wrote it up because I didn't want to get carried away by hormones and end up with someone that didn't share common goals/values/interests as me, so I wanted a checklist that I could use. Just the facts, ma'am... More than once, I've been told that I'm "too picky" or that my standards were too high or that maybe I shouldn't exclude guys that already have kids...

I'm so glad that I didn't settle. Because Greg meets or exceeds all the points on my list and even has bonus points for stuff that wasn't on my list! He is the best. I am so lucky to have met him.

Day 3: Saturday

We met up with some friends for a BBQ lunch on Saturday. Davebo brought his kids and I sat near the kids' end of the table and fielded questions (mainly from Kate) like:

• What kind of food you would not want to have on a first date? (My answer: BBQ? but I wasn't really sure if that was a good answer. Suzie had the best answer which was spaghetti. Unfortunately, that was exactly what I had eaten the night before when we stopped at the House of Pies, so not sure if I looked messy or not...)
  
• What kind of food would you want to have on a first date? (My answer: sushi! All the kids agreed that sushi was a good answer and we chatted about what type of sushi we'd order...)
• What was my favorite NFL team? Was Shane upset that Brett Favre was retiring? (That one got a big "oooooooooogggh" from Shane when asked... But nooooooo, she's not upset! [sarcasm])

Those kids are so darn cute. After kissing Athens at lunch, I was teased (again, by Kate) with the "Stephanie and Athens, sittin' in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" First of all, I haven't been teased with that particular song in about 25 years. Second of all, there apparently is an updated follow-up verse that goes "...and that's not it, that's not all, the baby's drinking alcohol!" Oh, taunted by an 8 year old... my weekend. Thou art complete.

After lunch, we headed over to the Reagan Library in Simi Valley. It was my first visit. It's nice! Reagan is the first President that I really remember and I know surprisingly little about him and his wife. It was interesting to learn more about both of them. They seemed like remarkable people. We also went on board the Air Force One that was retired in 2001. That was neat. We took a picture before boarding AF1, but it's too cheesy to give prominent blog space to... check the flickr account if you're interested.

After the library, we went to the store to pick up snacks to munch on while we were at the Hollywood Bowl for the "Bugs Bunny on Broadway" show. It was so much fun. I haven't been to the Bowl in several years. The show itself was very entertaining too. The music was great and the cartoons were classics. He had a great time too, so I was really happy about that.

Overall, it was a busy Saturday, but fun and relaxing at the same time. While at the Hollywood Bowl, we were talking about how nice the weekend had been. The thing I was most surprised (and pleased) about was that he hadn't done anything to really annoy me! Which is saying something because I can be easily annoyed.

I was sad to see him go on Sunday, but really happy that he came out to see me and that we had such a wonderful weekend together.

Day 2 aka: Independence Day

We went to Chris' house for the 4th and had a fun time. We ended up just gaming and munching all day, but it was nice because Shane came with her dad.

I was in the kitchen with Shane and she asked me how the weekend was going and I said, "It's going really well." (Might I add here that it's so cool to have a man singing in my shower!) OK, back to yesterday... Meanwhile, Athens was sitting in the dining room playing (arrrrrrr) Rrrrum and Pirates with the boys. She said something about how he seemed to be fitting right in with them and I said, "Yeah, it's so nice not to have to worry about him in social situations. Because I know if he doesn't know anyone, he'll start up a conversation and I'm never worried he's going to say the wrong thing because he's well-mannered." Shane agreed and said, "Yeah, that IS nice."

I was with Jason for 10 years and always felt (whether justified or not) like I needed to worry about him to make sure he was having a good time in social situations because he was introverted. I just always wanted to make sure he was having fun, partly for him and partly for me. If he wasn't having fun, chances are, we were going home early. And we didn't go out much to begin with, so... It's just nice to not have to worry about someone in that respect.

He had a blast meeting all of my friends there and then we went to House of Pies so I could have him taste the yumminess that is their pecan pie.

Today we're off to a big lunch with friends and some BBQ! I suspect we will be having fun and I HAVE TO remember to take some pictures today!!! Time is running out.