Another Break-Up

I've been really behind on blogging, but finally getting caught up on all the blogs. Mainly because I was dating someone that I wasn't blogging about and that was taking up a lot of my time. But, unfortunately, that is now over and it's freed up a lot of time that I need to fill somehow. I've been doing my best to keep busy because of all the break-ups over the last few years, so far, this one's been the most difficult to deal with. Part of the difficulty with it is that I really like him and I know he really likes me, compounded by the fact that we're broken up, but it's ambiguous. Add to that, we didn't break up because we didn't like each other or got into a big fight of some sort. He has a previous relationship that he needs to figure out first and that will take some time. I have no idea how much time it will take for him to figure it out. Or if he's even working on it (I hope he is). Or if he will ever figure it out. Or, or, or... There are many questions left unanswered at this point. I'm a planner type, so this uncertainty thing is not my favorite, nor is patience my strong suit. So there are lots of things rooting against my brain at this point.

I've been trying to convince myself that I need to just think: "It's completely over..." so then if anything changes in the future, it will be a surprise rather than trying to keep the hope alive that somehow we will work out. Plus, if I keep repeating that to myself, I can hopefully start moving on and be open to meeting someone else eventually.

That said, I think my big lesson from this one is: Don't get involved with someone if they are newly broken-up from someone because it might not be over. Especially if it was a long-term relationship. No matter how unhappy they were with the other person. No matter what the person says about the relationship or the other person. Because I think what I've learned more than anything is that old familiar phrase, "Actions speak louder than words..." He was a lot of words and a bit lackluster in the action department. Unfortunately for me, I am a "words of affirmation" person, so that kept me around long enough to fall for him. I won't make that mistake again. When I see lack of action, I will pay attention to that, more than the sweet, but empty words.

Additional lesson: I need to remember that people don't like to change and will often want to go back to what they're comfortable with, even if what they're going back to isn't good or fun or enjoyable. Even if it's not going to make them happy in the long run, people love to look back. To keep moving forward, you need to keep your eyes pointed forward. It's really difficult to do, especially in love relationships. Everyone wants to look back. I know, I've done it. I spent a long time deciding whether I should divorce Jason a few years ago. More recently, I've spent the last few weeks, looking back at him (and my phone, willing it to ring) and hoping everything will be different, but now I know... I have to keep my eyes forward so that I will move forward. I can't keep looking back. He knows how to reach me once he's done with looking over his shoulder. If he is ever done with it. I know how difficult it can be. I've been there. So while I get irrationally upset sometimes about it, I completely understand. And I do want what's best for him.

Because I think that more than anything, the goals for my life are: to grow, to be happy, to have meaning and share life with an equally suitable partner. I can't have that with him at this point so it's just as well that we're broken up. He has some work he needs to do and I'm not sure he wants to do it. Thankfully, I can stop thinking about that now.

And the last thing:
No more long distance relationships. None. Either someone moves, or it's just not happening.

We broke up

Greg & I broke up tonight. We've had periodic discussions about how things were going and I think we were both in agreement that we looked great on paper, but in person, something was not quite right. The chemistry was there, but not fully there. So, we tried and tried and then, we broke up.

We've become very close over the last several months and he wants to remain friends and I do too. So, that's the plan. On one hand, it totally sucks. And on the other hand, it's good. I think I had started to lose hope that I would find someone who had the qualities I want in a boyfriend and then I met him, on a weekend I was pretty sure would be the worst of my life for completely other reasons. Instead, out of the blue, I met him and we were off! He restored my hope that there are still fabulous, caring men out there.

Wow, I am going to miss him... I was wrong. This totally sucks.

Modern Long Distance Dating

Because my boyfriend lives across the country... Georgia, more specifically... We don't have the "typical" dates that people who live in the same city might have. It usually consists of late night chats when we can squeeze them in and silly text messages to say "hi" or some such.

What we've been doing lately is setting up "date nights," which usually go like this:
He comes home from work, eats something, takes a nap and then calls me so we can get caught up on each others' week and hang out. Last time, we played some Dominion on BSW (a German website where you can play all kinds of Euro games).

I'm waiting for him to call so we can commence with our date tonight and tonight it'll be a little different. I bought him a webcam from Amazon and had it shipped to his house. He hasn't yet opened the box and he doesn't know what's in it, so I hope that he actually likes it. I picked out one with good reviews (4.5 stars with 402 reviews), so I hope it installs nicely and doesn't give him any trouble. As much as I love our date nights, I think I'll like them even more if I can see his smile!

And really, webcams are quickly becoming the norm. I was chatting about this with my waxer and a customer in the salon overheard us and said, "Oh, are you going to talk to your child with it?" Apparently, her son is in Japan and she just shipped him a webcam so she can see him when they talk via Skype. She loves it.

In fact, Google has just released video chatting! I can't wait to try this tonight. I guess we'll find out!