Off the Market

As of a couple weeks ago, I'm officially off the market!

It's kind of weird really.  At the start of this blog, I was married to my first husband and then over the course of events, got a divorce and then chronicled a lot of what was going on in my life, but especially my dating life!  I wonder if that means the next step will be my married life?  Seems like the next step...

Either way, my boyfriend, ISTJ, better known now as Jason (yes, the same as my first husband) asked me to be his wife!  And as my friend Edward said... I took the "very old-fashioned" route and said, "Yes!"

The Boyfriend becomes the Fiance
On July 8th, we went out for lunch after church and then Jason drove past my exit (for the third time this week! We had a couple "false alarms" earlier in the week, but third time is the charm or so they say).  Luckily, this time, it didn't involve Mulholland Drive!

Instead, we drove up to the Getty Center.

It was a beautifully gorgeous day with the perfect LA weather!  The kind that makes you never want to leave LA! We went up to the top floor of the South Pavilion, which has an awesome view of the Los Angeles.  There, Jason pointed out the various places around LA where we'd gone during our relationship, including Manhattan Beach, where we had a very long, tense walk just a couple months into our relationship, during which I came this close to breaking it off with him, but then didn't.  Divine intervention?*

After recounting our various escapades around the city, the trips, the restaurants, the activities, he started with all the mushy stuff about how much he loved me (and many other sweet things that will remain private).  He then got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.  I didn't have the heart to crack a silly joke.  So instead, I said, "Yes!"

Here's a snapshot of the ring... I picked it out a few weeks beforehand, so I knew the proposal was imminent.  We decided to go the non-traditional route ring-wise.  It also has a matching necklace, but I haven't taken a good picture of that yet, but I love it just as much as the ring.

The non-traditional engagement ring designed by Symmetry (Greek designer)...
18K white gold, custom made with two raw diamonds, two blue sapphires and one pink sapphire

The Aftermath
Then we sent emails, texts, made calls to all the appropriate people.  It was his parents anniversary, so that should make it easy to remember!

The After-Aftermath (aka: the Emotional Aftermath)
It's been weird.  But in a really good way.  I eloped the first time I got married, so the total time between "engagement" and "marriage" was about four hours.  This time, it's gonna be a whopping 2 1/2 months!  Since the first part of the engagement was consumed with my Jeopardy! obsession, I can now relax and focus on the wedding itself, which should be relatively simple and easy to plan.  Mostly because I'm not a girly girl, so I have no big "wedding" dreams that need to be fulfilled.

Emotionally, I've been feeling closer to him every day.  My day in the Jeopardy! studios was super-intense and he was there for me and so supportive in every way, which I completely appreciate.  I'm in awe of his support and caring for me.  It's a little unreal sometimes.  Sad to say, but I haven't had very many people in my life that I feel like I can count on like I can count on him.  My goal is to be the same for him.  Someone he can depend on to be his friend, confidante and lover.  I don't think that will be too difficult.

All of this just serves as a daily confirmation that I made the right choice in saying yes!

An "after" pic with our beloved Los Angeles in the background:

Jason & Steph in the South Pavilion of the Getty Center

Looking forward to many more adventures!!

* Turns out I had a "love language" I didn't even realize I had!  Acts of service!  So, we were fighting over the dishes, but really I was feeling unloved because he wasn't helping me.  Luckily, we got it ironed out...

Life is Short

This break-up has been tough and I haven't been doing a good job of keeping away from the ex-boyfriend. I called him last week. The good news is that I'm feeling better after talking with him. The bad news is that I feel kind of lame for breaking down and calling him, although I know he didn't mind. I have a soft spot for him, that's for sure. The more I think about him, us, our separate lives, a possible life together, I just keep thinking... life is short. Too many people have been dying lately, friends have been losing jobs, love is difficult to find and even more difficult to maintain... Life is full of changes.

I need to remind myself to keep looking forward... Taking a deep breath now. Staying focused. I need to stay strong. It's tough, but I can do it. I can do it. I can do it...

Another Break-Up

I've been really behind on blogging, but finally getting caught up on all the blogs. Mainly because I was dating someone that I wasn't blogging about and that was taking up a lot of my time. But, unfortunately, that is now over and it's freed up a lot of time that I need to fill somehow. I've been doing my best to keep busy because of all the break-ups over the last few years, so far, this one's been the most difficult to deal with. Part of the difficulty with it is that I really like him and I know he really likes me, compounded by the fact that we're broken up, but it's ambiguous. Add to that, we didn't break up because we didn't like each other or got into a big fight of some sort. He has a previous relationship that he needs to figure out first and that will take some time. I have no idea how much time it will take for him to figure it out. Or if he's even working on it (I hope he is). Or if he will ever figure it out. Or, or, or... There are many questions left unanswered at this point. I'm a planner type, so this uncertainty thing is not my favorite, nor is patience my strong suit. So there are lots of things rooting against my brain at this point.

I've been trying to convince myself that I need to just think: "It's completely over..." so then if anything changes in the future, it will be a surprise rather than trying to keep the hope alive that somehow we will work out. Plus, if I keep repeating that to myself, I can hopefully start moving on and be open to meeting someone else eventually.

That said, I think my big lesson from this one is: Don't get involved with someone if they are newly broken-up from someone because it might not be over. Especially if it was a long-term relationship. No matter how unhappy they were with the other person. No matter what the person says about the relationship or the other person. Because I think what I've learned more than anything is that old familiar phrase, "Actions speak louder than words..." He was a lot of words and a bit lackluster in the action department. Unfortunately for me, I am a "words of affirmation" person, so that kept me around long enough to fall for him. I won't make that mistake again. When I see lack of action, I will pay attention to that, more than the sweet, but empty words.

Additional lesson: I need to remember that people don't like to change and will often want to go back to what they're comfortable with, even if what they're going back to isn't good or fun or enjoyable. Even if it's not going to make them happy in the long run, people love to look back. To keep moving forward, you need to keep your eyes pointed forward. It's really difficult to do, especially in love relationships. Everyone wants to look back. I know, I've done it. I spent a long time deciding whether I should divorce Jason a few years ago. More recently, I've spent the last few weeks, looking back at him (and my phone, willing it to ring) and hoping everything will be different, but now I know... I have to keep my eyes forward so that I will move forward. I can't keep looking back. He knows how to reach me once he's done with looking over his shoulder. If he is ever done with it. I know how difficult it can be. I've been there. So while I get irrationally upset sometimes about it, I completely understand. And I do want what's best for him.

Because I think that more than anything, the goals for my life are: to grow, to be happy, to have meaning and share life with an equally suitable partner. I can't have that with him at this point so it's just as well that we're broken up. He has some work he needs to do and I'm not sure he wants to do it. Thankfully, I can stop thinking about that now.

And the last thing:
No more long distance relationships. None. Either someone moves, or it's just not happening.

Boyfriend Update

Greg came out to visit last month and we had a good visit... Much too short, but fun. We've both been really busy over the last month, so since that visit, we haven't been talking as much as we were a couple months ago. In theory, he'll be finished with one major obligation after this weekend and that should free up his weekend time quite a bit, at least compared to the last month!

Maybe then we'll be able to talk about something other than how tired we are and how busy we are! We still have our book of questions to go through and I feel like there's much more to learn about each other. It's as if this last month of dating doesn't even really count because it seems like we've talked SO little. Ah, well... He told me more than once while visiting that he's working on changing his schedule so he won't be so busy and he'll have more time to spend with me and I believe him, otherwise, we wouldn't still be dating.

I'm currently planning to go see him for Thanksgiving... I'll be heading there straight from BGG.CON. Once I come back from that, I'm not sure when I'll see him again. There's been talk of me going to see him for Christmas, but since we've hardly been talking, I want to see how everything is going before & after Thanksgiving before buying a ticket for Christmas.

We have very different communication needs. I could talk to him pretty much every day, even multiple times a day (which I know is probably overkill and not for everyone), while I think he could get by with a couple times a week. He's been making an effort to call more often, which I really appreciate because it says to me "I want to make you happy," a message I am glad he's sending. As a result, I've been patient about these last few insanely crazy weeks. Which I've taken as an opportunity to grow because God knows that patience is NOT my strong suit!! But I swear, I'm getting better.

I think the biggest challenge for me is that it's hard for me to feel connected to someone with whom I have very little contact (without having a pre-established super-strong connection like I do with some of my friends who I don't talk to for years at a time and then we do and it's just on...). So, an unfortunate side effect of all this non-contact over the last month has me feeling less connected to him now than I did when we first started dating. Not exactly the trend I want to see in my relationship, you know? It feels like we're going the wrong way. However, I'm doubt he feels that way, based on our very different communication needs. I've been trying to be optimistic about the future though and I hope that we can continue to tweak this so that we're both happy with how much communication we have. We were doing better before the last few weeks when he's been super-busy.

I'm very happy that we have a "date" scheduled for this Thursday night! I'll have him all to myself and get to talk to him about everything I've been saving up over the last week. He is a wonderful person and I love and admire many, many things about him. I want to feel a stronger connection to him, so I hope that once things settle down, we can get back to talking more often and hopefully, growing our relationship. Keep your fingers crossed for us!

The Relationship Update

I went to visit Greg for two and a half weeks and had a wonderful time. We spent lots of time just hanging out with friends, talking, playing games and of course, going to football games!

I arrived Friday night and we headed straight to Dragon*Con to go see Valerie and Tyler and to see all the crazy costumes that people wear! Feel free to browse my Dragon*Con photo album. It was so much fun to check out all the costumes and just people watch. I want to go next year and stay for the whole weekend. We didn't stay the whole weekend this time because we were scheduled to go to the first Georgia Bulldogs game of the season...

While I was getting ready on Saturday morning, Greg surprised me with a piece of jewelry! A necklace with one charm that said "My Heart Belongs to" and the other has a Georgia logo on it. I told him it was true in a sense. Unsurprisingly, my Georgia fan of a boyfriend has given me two gifts that are Bulldog-related. The first is my favorite teddy bear, Harrington, who sports a super-cute Georgia hooded sweatshirt.



Greg with a fellow newbie... Miller!

The game started at 12:30, so we started tailgating around 9:30. It was my first time ever tailgating, so I shared that honor with the two other new people at tailgating: babies who were born this past spring!! :-)











These Georgia Bulldog fans go all out! Here's a picture of the spread they had from our second game:

Steph in her Georgia gear by the snack table

The games we went to were smaller games, but FULL of people! A sea of red wherever you looked! And man, oh man, they were hoooooooooot! Both Saturdays, the temperature was about 90! We slathered ourselves in sunscreen because his seats in the first row of the visitors side right at the 50 yard line and in full sunlight the whole game. By the end of the game, we were both drenched in sweat! Mmmmm.... sexy... We got home and showered and just collapsed. Being in the sun all day is exhasting. Here's a picture towards the end of the second game (and you can see the necklace!)

Steph & Greg after a loooong, hot game

Other than football, we ended up hanging out a lot with his friends playing games, both board games and some Rock Band! That was super-fun and I got a chance to practice my drum skills, so now I'm getting decent at the foot pedal and can do the double and triple bass kicks. I can definitely tell that I'm getting better.

I also had a chance to cook for Greg a bunch and his dad a couple times. His dad is really sweet and was very kind to me the whole visit. I can see why Greg likes him so much. We invited Greg's dad and sister (who was in town the last weekend I was there) over for dinner and to watch the Bulldog game on TV. I made my favorite beef stew on the planet (Barefoot Contessa's recipe called "Parker's Beef Stew") and it was a huge hit. They all loved it, even Greg, who doesn't care for onions all that much.

Overall, it was a great visit... I was worried about spending that much time together, but it was better than I expected. I went out for "Girls' Night Out" one Thursday with some of his girlfriends and one of them said, "I was telling my husband, 'If they haven't killed each other after spending two weeks together, that's a good sign!' " Greg has never lived with a woman before, so I know I was probably encroaching his space, especially since he's a bit neater than I am, but he said that he liked it. We make a good team at home too! I do the cooking and he does all the cleaning! It works out great!

After three months of dating, I still am amazed by what a great person he is. He's sweet and thoughtful and I love him. And I told him so. He's so wonderful, it's hard to imagine not loving him. It's different from anything I've felt before. In fact, he's a walking version of my "Ideal Husband List." We don't fight, in fact, we hardly ever have disagreements. Not all that surprising considering we agree about all major subjects. That alone is completely different from being with Jason and some of the guys I've dated over the last couple years. And I like it. I like not feeling at odds with my boyfriend. It's relaxing and it makes it so easy to talk to him. He doesn't get upset when I bring up anything and likes to talk about whatever might be bothering me. I really appreciate that about him.

I'm happy that he's coming out to visit me in a couple weeks. Our plans will probably consist of hanging with friends and some gaming. I'm trying to figure out some other "L.A." stuff for us to do... I'm planning on going to see him for Thanksgiving after BGG.CON.

Another thing we did while I was there was spend time discussing a book I borrowed from my friend Chia called The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do". We're not engaged, but since we're both interested in getting married, we thought those questions would be good ones to discuss. The book is split up into several chapters that have questions about your home, money, work, sex, health & food, children, community & friends, and spiritual life. We started covering a few of the questions, but it's going to be an on-going project. Some of the questions are no-brainers, but they are all things you should discuss with your partner. So far, it's been fun going through them together. I think we're going to have to start doing some over the phone too, otherwise, it'll take forever to get through the book.

I'm curious how the next few months will go. I'm looking forward to seeing him more and more and extremely thankful for my job which allows me the flexibility to stay with him and work from his home. I shudder to think how awful it would be having my old job and not being able to see him nearly as much. I would be very, very sad. As it is, I'm hoping we'll start talking more than we have been lately, but I think it's more of a question about setting aside time for each other because we both have pretty busy schedules. I think our relationship will continue to improve as we get to know each other more and more! I know I'm certainly looking forward to the process!