Monday, August 18, 2008

Our First Fight

First fight? Check!

We've had our first fight. I would wonder sometimes what our first fight would be about considering we seem to get along so well and 0ddly enough, it was about the same exact thing as my first fight with 42. The subject? Calling when you're out of town.

With 42, when I look back at everything that ended up happening, I've thought, "I should've known when he didn't call that weekend that things weren't going to work out." To me, it was a sign that I wasn't a priority to him and I should've listened to my gut about it. Especially when the reason why he didn't call was that his phone died and he didn't want to stop gaming to go outside in the snow to get the charger out of his car. This coming from the guy that plays Ultimate in the snow and thinks it's fun. I should have heeded the big red flag when it made itself known. But I didn't and I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but it ended up not working out for a multitude of reasons.

So. Now it's happened again with Greg, except it wasn't just a weekend, it was six days. He texted me every day, but just didn't pick up the phone to call. (I did check and he does know how to use a phone...) And this is just the dating tip of the month to everyone out there: Texting is not the same as a phone call. I talked to him Monday night and by Thursday I was feeling a little antsy and cranky about it, by Friday I was upset and all I can say is thank goodness I was playing games all day Saturday to keep my mind off of it. So by the time he called me Sunday night, I was not happy with him.

I try to love like I've never been hurt, but it can be difficult. I mean, I was upset that he didn't call, but I think it was compounded by the fact that the same thing has already happened with 42 and look how that turned out. Greg was very apologetic on Sunday and Monday and tonight I told him that my first fight with 42 was over the same thing. And then I made sure that I told him that I didn't think he was like 42. Because I don't. They're like night and day in all the right ways.

After he apologized again tonight and promised that he would try very (very, very, very) hard to make sure it doesn't happen again, I made the decision to not be angry with him anymore. I believe him when he says that he did want to talk to me and thought of me often. I believe that it's hard to shift from being single and carefree to having a girlfriend and having to think about someone else in a different way than you have had to do in a long time. I was married for 10 years and am the oldest child in my family, so for me, that's more second nature. Not that I don't fall down on the job from time-to-time because I'm sure I do, but for the most part, I try to incorporate my significant other (or friends/family as the case may be) into my thought processes.

In any case, we made it through, unscathed. Again, I was able to talk to him about what I was thinking and feeling and we seem to communicate well. I probably could've been more up front with the fact that I was upset and why I was upset. But to be honest, I forgot that my first fight with 42 was about the same thing until last night. And remembering that kind of made it worse to me. Also, I think my pattern is that if I'm angry, I'm very loud about what I'm upset about, but if I'm hurt or feel vulnerable, I get very, very quiet. Which is why I was being more quiet about being upset. I am feeling pretty confident though that it won't happen again.


Seth Jaffee said...

This brings up a question... do you in fact know how to use a phone?


I'm glad you got through the first big fight unscathed!

Stephanie said...

Yes I do, thankyouverymuch! :-)

But he was the busy one out of town... And when it's me (out of town at a gaming thing), I do call him because I know it's awkward to call someone when you're not sure if you're going to catch him/her in the middle of a game.

So there.


Anonymous said...

I wonder, during all the millennia before Alexander Graham Bell, what women found to get hysterical about.

Stephanie said...

Oh, I'm sure they found *something* to get upset about! When they weren't worried about starving to death, war, dying during childbirth...

Don't worry, I'm sure I'll find other things to get hysterical about...