Can we just be friends?

Well, it's been a while since I've mentioned 23, the guy I was dating last year for a little while. I liked him for many reasons and then he broke up with me because he wasn't over his ex-girlfriend yet. Quite understandable. I was already concerned because I thought he was too young for me anyway, so it worked out quite nicely.

I was talking with my co-worker a couple days ago and she brought up the time that he had pulled my chair out for me when we were eating at the Great Steak and Potato Company one night. A memorable event indeed! That got me thinking... I wonder how he's doing? I know Erin ran into him at a Neko Case concert in February, but I haven't tried contacting him at all since we broke up. Initially, I was too sad about the whole thing and since I got over it, I've just been preoccupied with other stuff.

A couple nights ago, I was sorting through some pictures on my hard drive and ran across a picture of him. So I figured I'd just drop a line and say "hi!" We've exchanged a couple emails and looks like we'll be hanging out sometime, hopefully soon. I did truly like him and always thought that he was pretty cool to hang out with. I think we could actually be friends and not in a weird way, which is a great feeling to have about someone. He apparently feels the same way, so it looks like I will have a new friend.

This will be interesting for me. Over the last year, I've managed to stay "friends" with most of the guys I've dated, which is a totally new experience for me. I'd never really done that in the past. I'm looking forward to it. I have a good feeling about it!

I'll be starting the new year fresh...

I am no longer going out with 23. So, I'll be starting 2007 fresh and single! :-)

Nothing major happened, I sensed that something was amiss and so I asked him about it and I found out that he's not over his fairly recent break-up with his ex-girlfriend. So we won't be seeing each other any longer. I was kind of down about it for a day, but in a way, I'm relieved. I think the age gap would've been a problem at some point, so better to break it off now before I'm all crazy about him! Also, I think, like most 23 year olds, he wasn't really sure where he's headed just yet whereas I don't really have that problem. I'm practically booked through April and know exactly the direction I want my life to go. As one friend said, "I don't think he really knew what he was getting into when he asked you out." I couldn't help but laugh! I can be intense at times, so my goal is to find someone who likes and appreciates that quality in me.

I've already started working on my resolutions for 2007, to be posted tomorrow. Hopefully, you've started thinking about what you want to do this upcoming year. It's fresh and new and full of possibilities!! Optimism is my friend!

As for tonight, there will be most importantly, FRIENDS! and food-wise: honey baked ham, potatos au gratin, creamed corn, Que Bueno Nacho Cheese, chips with salsa and guacamole, a cheeseball and some Columbus peppered salame. Then for dessert, pineapple upside down cake and a pear tart from Porto's. Mmmmm... And of course, LOTS of alcohol. I'm ready for a drink!

Oh, and Guitar Hero. There will definitely be Guitar Hero...

Christmas is almost here

I've had a weird afternoon, so this is kind of rambly...

Christmas is almost here and thankfully, the only areas I'm still working on are my Christmas cards and my Christmas menus. I'm having a small group of friends over for Christmas Eve dinner and then an even smaller group over for dinner on Christmas evening.

For Christmas Eve, I'm planning on making a standing rib roast (prime rib), Yukon Gold mashed potatos, roasted asparagus and one other dish. I'm having trouble deciding on the last one. I think I'm leaning towards creamed corn of some kind. My friends are bringing the salad, appetizers, champagne, wine and a chocolate souffle. Oh, I'm making a raspberry trifle for dessert too. So we should have a smashing dinner. I made the standing rib roast last year for Christmas Eve and it was a hit!! So delicious and easy!

23 came over last night before he headed out to his parents' house for Christmas. We exchanged gifts. He liked all the stuff I got him (a couple games he wanted, Christmas-y boxers and cables to hook up his SNES) and he got me a wireless guitar!!! It's a red flying V. I love it!!!! I was very excited to try it out. I know one GH buddy that will be ecstatic!! (I apologize in advance to my downstairs neighbor!!) It will be very handy too when I go to friends' houses with big living rooms. I can't wait.

While not what I would call a "romantic" gift, it was very thoughtful and sweet. He knew I wanted one (even though I had never said so) and that I would never actually spend the cash on it since I already have two guitars and having three would be just darn frivilous!! Plus, we've only been dating a month, so getting something toooooo romantic might have just been out of place (but maybe not!). It was, in my book, a perfect gift for where we are in our relationship.

I'm just starting to feel like it's Christmas time. I've been having a hard time this year with it and I think it's just because I've been so busy with non-Christmas activities. Plus, this being the first Christmas in a long time without Jason or any family around is a little weird. I miss him. He called and said that he has a gift for me. I have one for him too. Nothing major, but when I saw it, I thought of him, so... I don't know how long it takes to "get over" someone, but hopefully it will work itself out. I mostly feel over him, but every once in a while, a thought of him will sneak up on me and I'll miss him. I suppose it's natural since we were together for so long, but it's still tough.

Actually, here I am thinking that tonight was weird. This whole week has been off for me. Wednesday night was the worst, but 23 came over and helped me through my mental funk that night. Maybe I just need more sleep. Oh, and not to be a woman. That would probably help.

Parties

I went to three parties this past weekend, plus a cookie exchange! It was fun. I went to two company parties and one birthday party for one of 23's friends. His friend, incidentally, was turning 22. I was worried I'd be the oldest one there. Did that stop me from having a good time? No, not really. I fit right in since we were just hanging out, eating pizza, drinking and playing Wii.

It did make me realize (as if I didn't already know!) that I'm really not much of a drinker. I enjoy having a drink here and there, but I don't like to get plastered and totally drunk. So, it made the party just so-so fun once everyone really started drinking. We stayed for a few hours, then went home. I feel this way even when the people getting drunk are in the 30+ crowd. It's just not for me.

Another realization: I like chocolate! I already knew I liked chocolate, but being at the cookie exchange made me realize how much. One of the rules was: no chocolate chip or variants were allowed. So while surveying the room, I realized that I wasn't interested in too many of them because they were lacking in the chocolate dept. Oh well, I still sampled many tasty cookies. It helped me expand my cookie horizons.

And another plus in the 23 column... when he showed up to take me to his company party, he did so looking quite handsome with a big bouquet of flowers in hand. I love flowers. I was already in a good mood, looking forward to spending the evening with him, but that pretty much put me over the top. It's funny that a gesture like that can do wonders for the soul.

Christmas Update

I have made quite a bit of progress on my Christmas shopping. In fact, I'm pretty much done (with maybe a few little things if I happen upon them). Now the fun part! Shipping it all out!!

One stumbling block I was having was what I should get 23. We haven't been dating very long, but I like him and I want(ed) to get him something. Specifically, I wanted to buy him clothes, but when I mentioned that to a friend last night, she didn't think we'd been dating long enough for me to buy him clothing. I didn't really agree, but then after thinking about it, I figured she's probably right and I decided to go with something else I *know* he wants vs. the clothes.

I placed an order for a couple things I know he wants (he had a wishlist online) and then I get an email from him later that day that says he's put in an order for one of the things I had just ordered him.

People everywhere! Listen to me!! Don't buy anything for yourself during the month of December. Maybe even the last half of November if you have friends or family members who are on the ball. But especially don't buy yourself stuff that you have listed on a wishlist online two weeks before Christmas!! It's not cool. And just not good form.

In this case, it's not really that big of a deal because I can either keep it or make use of it somehow.

Dating update

I hadn't really thought about it, but one of my friends who reads the blog pointed out that I hadn't mentioned 23 lately. My friend's assumption was that since I hadn't mentioned him, he was history. Quite the contrary! We spent a lot of last weekend together and I took him to a party and a gaming event and introduced him to some of my friends that hadn't yet met him. By now, I think most of my friends have met him and so far, no complaints! Oh, and I learned something really cute about him: he's an eagle scout. I love that!! My college boyfriend was one too. Maybe I've got a thing for eagle scouts! Those all-American wholesome guys! :-)

Over the weekend I noticed aspects about his personality I really like: He's laid back without being lazy, he's confident in himself and doesn't seem to be the "jealous" type and he is pretty independent in social settings. At the party on Saturday night, he didn't know anyone and yet he chatted and hung out with people while I cooked in the kitchen and got caught up with people I know. He didn't get bored and he really enjoyed himself. On Sunday, he joined in a game and played all day with other people and had a blast. I like being able to mingle and do my own thing without having to "worry" about if he's having a good time. He seems pretty confident in himself and I like that he doesn't seem like the "jealous" type. I have lots of male friends and I flirt, so I like that I can be myself without worrying about him getting all weird because I'm talking to other guys.

The best thing is that I've been feeling good about how things are going and that they aren't getting crazy out of control. Since I've been consciously being un-manic, I think it's been working really well. I feel calmer and I think I've been enjoying it more. I feel like my life is pretty balanced and not all skewed toward "the relationship." I like it. It's different... in a good way.

All or Nothing?

After some more reflection today, I think the area of personal growth this whole dating thing is tackling might be my "All or Nothing" tendencies. While I've grown more grey in my years, everything used to be starkly black or white.

I have to remind myself that everything is NOT an "either/or" proposition. Take this whole 23 thing... There are varying degrees of actions I could take between running away to avoid the potential hurt and falling blindly into infatuation. But in my mind and more so, in my heart, those feel like the only two options.

Thus, my personal growth area... the area where I could grow and stretch those boundaries I have in my mind. Can I continue to date him with some caution and make somewhat rational decisions and not let my emotions (or hormones) take control? I can, right? I've always been somewhat manic about relationships, so it's not a new feeling. However, maybe changing part of the feeling and creating a new, less manic feeling is a good thing. I don't even know if it's possible, but how can it not be possible? If I set my mind to it, I know it is possible.

I want to see where this goes and be open to whatever permutations it might take from my end or his. Seriously, I was looking at the subtitle of my blog and I thought, "If I just run, then I'm letting this opportunity in life pass me by and I don't want to do that." And I'm not going to.

To add to that All or Nothing tendency is my other thing: I fluctuate from being wildly optimistic to worst case scenario chick. But that, is another post. And I'm not sure I want to 'fess up to all that online. :-)

Cut and Run or Crash and Burn?

I went out on a date with my 23 year old suitor and unfortunately, I had a good time. I say unfortunately because having a good time just makes me like him more and more!

I have one friend in the "You Crazy!" camp who predicts that 23 is going to do or say something that makes me realize how young he really is and then I won't find him so attractive anymore. I'm not going to discount that, because I could see that happening. In fact, he said something last night that made me think, "Yeah, this most likely is going to be temporary."

Which brings me to the question: Is it better to cut and run or crash and burn?

I've been thinking that doing the ol' cut and run might be the smart money in this situation. The problem is that I don't really want to! I'm pretty sure I'll end up getting hurt in this situation, even if I'm the one doing the breaking up.

I was talking with Roger yesterday about the fear of the crash and burn and he asked me if I would have married Jason if someone had told me it was going to end up the way it did. Without hesitation, I said, "Yes. I would've still married him." Even though we ended up divorced 10 years later. He has clearly been an extremely important person in my life and even though a life together did not ultimately work out, I know I'm light years ahead of where I would've been without him. The experience with him was worth the heartbreak at the end.

I talked to Roger this morning about my date last night and he thinks I should totally go for it. He said that the look on my face is totally different with this one than with any other guy I've gone out with so far. I know that's true because I can feel it's true.

All I know is that I'm doomed. But it still might not be too late to cut and run.

The Age Gap

I met a guy recently that is cute, fun and very sweet. He asked me out and I hesitated, but I ended up saying "yes." Why did I hesitate? Because he's 23. That's right, 23. For the record, I'm 31. I'll help you with the math. The Age Gap = 8 years.

Which means that he graduated from college just this year. He's at his first "real" job and living by himself in his first apartment. Meanwhile, I just finalized my divorce from my ex-husband that I was married to for 10 years. I've already owned my first home and I've had the same job (where I've moved up the ladder) for years. I feel like the difference in our life experience is huge.

I think it's probably too much of an age gap to really be able to successfully date, especially because at 23, he's not in any hurry (and rightly so!) to get married and have kids. Not that I'm in a "hurry," but I certainly don't want to date for five years in order to not rush a relationship.

If he were my age (or even just closer to my age), I wouldn't have hesitated for one second. Especially because, according to him, he definitely wants to get married and have kids. My worst case scenario side is guessing that this will end disastrously, but I must not totally believe that because if I did, I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him. When I started worrying, one of my friends pointed out that things could end disastrously with anyone, even someone my own age, which is absolutely true. And since no one else is really on the horizon at the moment, I'm free to do what I want. I might as well as go out with him and see how it goes. It's just dinner. And it's just a date. Plus, I think it'll be fun.