Thursday, November 30, 2006

All or Nothing?

After some more reflection today, I think the area of personal growth this whole dating thing is tackling might be my "All or Nothing" tendencies. While I've grown more grey in my years, everything used to be starkly black or white.

I have to remind myself that everything is NOT an "either/or" proposition. Take this whole 23 thing... There are varying degrees of actions I could take between running away to avoid the potential hurt and falling blindly into infatuation. But in my mind and more so, in my heart, those feel like the only two options.

Thus, my personal growth area... the area where I could grow and stretch those boundaries I have in my mind. Can I continue to date him with some caution and make somewhat rational decisions and not let my emotions (or hormones) take control? I can, right? I've always been somewhat manic about relationships, so it's not a new feeling. However, maybe changing part of the feeling and creating a new, less manic feeling is a good thing. I don't even know if it's possible, but how can it not be possible? If I set my mind to it, I know it is possible.

I want to see where this goes and be open to whatever permutations it might take from my end or his. Seriously, I was looking at the subtitle of my blog and I thought, "If I just run, then I'm letting this opportunity in life pass me by and I don't want to do that." And I'm not going to.

To add to that All or Nothing tendency is my other thing: I fluctuate from being wildly optimistic to worst case scenario chick. But that, is another post. And I'm not sure I want to 'fess up to all that online. :-)

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