Thursday, September 23, 2010

Out with the Old...

Man, it's been a LONG time since I've posted anything on my blog. You'd think with not having a job, I'd have soooo much more free time to post something!  And you'd be wrong!  :-)

I suppose with even less structure than I had before, I've managed to just do whatever I've wanted over the last six months.  Yes, it's been six months since I lost my job.  The biggest news, besides the non-news that I don't actually *have* a job yet, is that I broke up with the ex-on-again-off-again boyfriend in June.  And this time, it was for good.  And I thank God every day for that.  That is certainly the best decision I've made this year!

Here's what I learned from that relationship:

  • If I can't trust the guy, I need to just break up with him right away because always wondering when/if he's cheating is horribly taxing and SO not worth it.
  • Just because someone pays attention to you doesn't mean they love you.
  • Lip service is useless. I need someone who will follow through on what he says.
  • A man who can't manage his money is not a good match for me.
  • Chattanooga actually has some decent places to eat.
  • Dogs aren't all bad.  
I'm sure I learned other things, but those were the biggies.  And I think what was awesome about the whole situation (although it hurt and sucked at the time) was that I felt like everything in my life started taking a turn for the better after I broke up with him.  

First, I came home to LA and went directly to church. I had been praying for a sign about what to do about him and the relationship and if I should move or not and got a big, bright flashing one that screamed, "GET OUT!", for which he ridiculed me.  I thanked God for getting me out of that relationship and continue to do so.  I had actually considered moving to live near him and I'm so glad I didn't actually do it.  What a mistake that would've been... whew!

Second, little things happened like... I found the couch I've been wanting to buy for months from Ikea (but didn't because it was too expensive) on Craigslist for 1/3 the price!  And easily found people to help me move it.  

Third, but most importantly, I felt content to be alone.  It's possible that I may have felt flickers of this from time-to-time over the last 4 1/2 years, but mostly, I've always wanted to find someone.  This was the first time that I honestly and truly felt completely at peace with being alone.  As a woman all alone.  As a woman who maybe will never have children.  As a woman who may never find the "right" man.  And I felt completely okay with it because it was light years better than the relationship I had been in with him, especially over the last few months.  It's amazing how freeing that feeling was for me.  How calming and peaceful it was. 

So of course, while I'm feeling extremely thankful for being out of that terrible relationship, I meet the new guy.  I say "new guy," but truthfully I've known him for the last few years. He's recently become available and considering that I've admired him for the last couple years, I was pleasantly surprised (and more than a little thrilled!) to find out that he felt similarly and he asked me out.  I decided to name him in accordance with his Myers-Briggs personality type (ISTJ) because I suspect it will fuel a lot of my discussions with him... 

But in a nutshell, he's fabulous.  When I'd see him here or there, I would always think to myself that it was rather unfortunate that he was not available because I always suspected that we might be a good match and now, I actually get to test that theory out!  And you know who I have to thank for that?  God, for getting me out of the previous relationship and available for this new one. The timing could not have been better!  It's still pretty new, but so far, it's going well.  We had our first real fight on Monday and made it through without any hard feelings, so I would consider that a success!  We are able to discuss the tough subjects without much fuss and it seems like our biggest challenge so far is just in our communication styles, which doesn't surprise me.  We're still trying to figure each other out.  

Perhaps the most important thing to people who have been following my dating life?  He lives 15 minutes away from me!!  And he's a good, good man.  Completely trustworthy, which in turn makes him red-hot sexy to me!  He's fairly reserved, but I don't mind. He's the yin to my extroverted E!  And he's given me permission to post about him, so I suspect there will be more frequent blog posts in the future... 


John Goldwater said...

Awesome summary. We learned plenty from each other. Please remember the good times too. Goodbye.


Dave said...

Awesome, Steph. Just don't forget to save time for your ENFP friends.

Stephanie said...

Dave - You know I won't forget about my friends! Especially the ENFPs... I need *somebody* to show me where the new Five Guys is! :-D

Anye said...

Hey Stephanie, it sounds like things are really looking up for you! I have had people tell me in the past that I needed to learn to be at peace with myself alone before I'd ever be good in a relationship -- and it was really good advice.

I will keep my fingers crossed that things go well with Mr. ISTJ and am looking forward to seeing you at BGG.Con (I hope you'll be there!)


PS. Dogs are WONDERFUL. You will have to meet mine while you are here, he will melt your heart. And not just by slobbering on you.

Fern said...

well done :)

Anonymous said...

You're wrong Steph, dogs ARE all bad.

Now can anyone tell me how to get the rest of these noisy, smelly, messy things off of my planet?

Oh, and I guess I better make this anonymous so that Anye doesn't come after me. :)

StephenAvery said...

It is unbelievable that you're still on the market. Better luck next time. And grats on the new coutch :D